SIN: Self-Indulgence, Self-Interest

I was just reading an excellent teaching on sin and the desires of the flesh: No Body is Going to Tell Me What to Do.

Some excerpts:

Personally, I have realised that – unpleasant as it may be – I have to acknowledge that my flesh LOVES to sin!

There is a part of me which left to its own devices will always gravitate towards self indulgence and self interest – SIN!

It is as I acknowledge my susceptibility to sin that I am prompted to take seriously my personal responsibility to exercise spiritual authority and mortify, crucify, and put to death my sinful (out of control) desires and appetites, while still enjoying the pleasures of Spirit-led and Spirit-controlled legitimate desires and appetites.

This is the key to balance. Sin is generally the out of control and insatiable pursuit of what is really a God-given desire or appetite. When God’s order is restored in our lives – spirit, soul, and body – then we are free to enjoy life to the full without hurting ourselves or anyone else in the process!

And I recognized myself in this one:

There is no peace for the carnal christian (who has a handle on grace but has no genuine fear of the Lord) or the hardline religious zealot (who has no handle on grace and so remains at a distance because of his irrational fear of the Lord).

I am the first type: a carnal Christian who knows God's grace (I know God loves me), but doesn't have fear of the Lord (I am abusing his goodness thinking I can keep indulging forever). Although I've been experiencing even the physical consequences of my self-indulgence for many years now.

In fact, last night I dreamed that I want to go on a missionary trip to a far-away land, but forgot to take some crucial stuff with me, specially my underwear (which signifies purity). Also that I am not willing to be crucified in order to get there. Crucifixion in this case would mean to crucify the desires of the flesh (gluttony) and resurrect as a free being in Christ.

There might be another reason why I am not doing it: I am afraid that if I let go of this attachment, I might be "too pure" and then will have some insights and divine direction which will make me fundamentally change my life. And that's what I fear... Is it possible that we close our eyes and stop our ears so we don't have to follow where God leads us?

So far I thought I was loving God's Will and following it, and yes, there were occasions I did it more often than not, but this particular attachment always remained - food always controlled me. It is an area of my life where my ego is still in control, instead of God. And the worst of all: as I am writing this, I am not falling on my knees to repent, but just observing it. What arrogance! What is this stronghold over me? In the article I linked above, it says:

Jesus said that there are some kinds of demonic stronghold that can only be broken by the level of spiritual authority that results from prayer and fasting – the power twins!

The disciples couldn't cast out a demon from a possessed young man. Jesus told them they don't have enough faith. He called for the young man to be brought to him, and he cast out the demon. Later the disciples asked him how come they were not able to do it, and Jesus answered: This kind can come out only by prayer and fasting. (Mark 9:29)

Which means that prayer and fasting strengthens faith and brings us closer to the Father, and as a result we too might cast out demons, perform miracles, be God's hands and feet like Jesus was. But for that, we need to rely fully on the Father for sustenance.

That's what Jesus did at the beginning of his mission. After having been baptized in the river Jordan, he was led by the spirit to go to the wilderness to be tempted by the devil (Matthew 4:1). He was fasting and praying for 40 days and nights, and when Satan came to tempt him, he rebuked him. Nothing could take him away from the Father. After Satan left, the angels administered unto him. Meaning that after he proved that he needs nothing but God, he received nurturance and sustenance from heaven.

God doesn't want us to mortify our bodies and live like ascetics, but we need to be willing to bear some suffering. We need to be willing to give up some comfort for God's sake. So far I have done some of it, but never fully. I've never given up food, but for one day. I didn't stay strong in the Lord, but for one day. A disciple of Christ can do better.

I am not going to say much more. The writing is on the wall. And in my dreams...