I CAN do it because I have it in me!

These past few days I've going through some self-condemnation, telling myself what a failure I am, and not even being able to decide about the smallest things in my life, like which hairdresser to go to. There is also a workshop now on Saturday about becoming an entrepreneur, and I was thinking to go but as the deadline for applications was approaching (today), I started vacillating if I should go, because it's not what I really need and it probably won’t help me anyway... But I noticed the usual pattern of feeling stuck, and yet refusing to do anything about it because it "probably won't work."

And so I got out of the house this morning, determined to still get some things done. So the first was hairdresser. Originally I wanted to go to a place in a shopping mall near my house (called Anna, for future reference :) ), but yesterday I peeked through the window and didn't like the personnel there. And the other one, in my building, was closed both yesterday and today as I passed by it (they left a note on the door "Be back soon" with a phone number but I had a strong sense not to call them). And I also was pretty sure that I want to go to a local hairdresser, not to the city center. So as I realized that one was closed and the other didn’t have the nicest personnel, I had to think...

So I stopped by the side of my building and contemplated, holding my chin, I was aware that I am blowing the whole thing out of proportions because one shouldn’t linger so much on such small things. Yet I also knew it was a test for me. So I simply said to myself "I am going to Anna, and that's it! I am willing to take the risk!" (and behind it was a thought: I can do it! I am not incapable! I am able to have my Divine Direction!) And so I went and it turned out that the personnel was different than yesterday, and very kind and skilled too. I was very satisfied. It was such a big lesson, the whole thing (including the meditation/contemplation I had while sitting there, waiting for my hair to be ready *). I also decided to go to the workshop and pay the registration fee. I just trusted, both myself and the organizers. I decided to trust and ACT. And it worked! Later it even turned out that the workshop will take place much closer to my home than originally planned, so it’s a bonus too. Now looking forward to Saturday!

* While sitting at the hairdresser's: I realized there's a part of me who is a joyful child, full of energy, willing to go out and Be, willing to try, confident about herself and supported by her divine parents (by the Father in the Garden of Eden). And I told to myself: This is me! and kept repeating it many times. I am not this fearful, doubting, weak person who cannot make even a simplest decision, but I AM More, I AM a daughter of God, I have Power, and I am capable! I can do it because I have it in me!

And it was quite empowering. So I came home with a feeling of victory. Later my mom got some plums from a friend, and as we were thinking what to do with them, except cooking jam, I thought it might be good to simply boil them in a little water, and add a little sugar, as we sometimes do with apples. We never tried it before but my mom immediately accepted the idea, which is very strange for her because she doesn't like to experiment! And it turned out delicious – she also put a little lemon in it, which she knew goes well with plums. So it was cool – I gave direction to my mom and she accepted it and it was a Victory!

So it was a great day today! :)